I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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