I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
