it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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