We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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