Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
