Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
