i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize