im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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