we have pet lesbian snakes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
