Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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