Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize