brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
