You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
