I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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