Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
