did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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