It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where did you get a picture of my penis
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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