I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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