I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
