There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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