Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I could fuck to npr.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
