It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
