So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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