i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
