i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
