please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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