I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
