wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
