Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
