The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
