My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
