Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
