I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
