Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
