i just wanna soil my oats bro
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
