Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
