that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You pole danced in your parka.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
