I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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