whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
