My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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