found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
