We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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