in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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