Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
