I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
