You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he puts the penis in happiness.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
