I'm jealous of your bromance
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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