I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
