That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
