How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
