You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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