quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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