hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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