Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
