I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
