I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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