If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
