I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
