Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
