sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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