i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize