I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
