after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
