i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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