Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
