nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize