LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
