Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You smell like stripper and shame
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
