I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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