i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
