Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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